They called me too tall. Too loud. Too much. And for years, I believed them.
I grew up in a small town in Bulgaria with a big mouth, a strong accent and dreams that were way bigger than my town. In school I was the girl who didn’t fit. Too tall, so I slouched to look smaller. Too loud, so I spoke quieter. Too much, so I dimmed myself in every room I walked into.
And I carried that with me. To university in Germany. Through jobs. Through relationships. Through years of trying so hard to fit into foreign cultures that I forgot who I actually was.
If you’re reading this, I have a feeling you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Not fitting in is usually a sign you’re in the wrong room
Here’s what I wish someone had told me at 16: if you constantly feel like you don’t belong somewhere, it’s probably not imposter syndrome.
It’s misalignment.
Read that again.
Not every uncomfortable feeling means “work harder on yourself.” Sometimes it means you’re simply in the wrong room. The wrong town, the wrong job, the wrong circle of people. A place where your ambition looks like arrogance and your energy looks like a problem.
From my small town, to a big city in Germany, through towns, villages and metropolises around the world, I’ve been in a lot of rooms. In some places I had to adapt just to survive. In others I pushed myself because I wanted more. And then there were a few rare ones where I didn’t need to adapt at all. I could finally be fully myself.
That’s how I knew I was in the right place.
Every time they told me to be quiet, they taught me to be loud
I’m not grateful for the bullying. But I am grateful for what I did with it.
- Every time they told me to be quiet, they taught me how to be LOUD.
- Every time they left me out, they taught me to build my own table.
- Every time they laughed at my dreams, they made me want them more.
Today that “too tall” girl stands up straight. That “too loud” girl has her own podcast. That “too much” girl gets messages every day from women saying “you inspire me so much.”
Nothing about me got smaller. I just stopped apologising for it.
The quiet ache isn’t ingratitude
A lot of the women I talk to feel guilty for wanting more. They have the job, the relationship, the life everyone approves of, and still there’s this quiet voice saying: there’s more.
They think it makes them ungrateful. It doesn’t. It makes them honest.
That restlessness, that resentment, that quiet “more” is a signal. It’s your own potential knocking. You don’t need to silence it. You need to trust it enough to take one real step.
Proximity is power
At a Tony Robbins event I heard three words that stuck with me: proximity is power.
Who you spend time with shapes who you become. Sounds obvious, right? But then I looked around and asked myself: who am I really spending my time with? And are they pulling me up, or keeping me comfortable?
When you get close to people who operate at a higher level, three things happen:
- Your standards go up. What felt “ambitious” suddenly feels normal.
- Your growth speeds up. You learn in months what took them years.
- Your world gets bigger. New perspectives, new rooms, new opportunities you didn’t even know existed.
When I left my small town, my world got bigger, and it keeps growing. When I started surrounding myself with creators, founders and podcasters, my goals got exponentially bigger.
Your environment sets your ceiling. Raise the room and you raise yourself.
How to stop shrinking
You don’t have to burn your life down to stop dimming yourself. Start here:
- Notice where you shrink. Which rooms make you speak quieter? Which people make you explain yourself?
- Find one room where your ambition is normal. A community, an event, a mentor, a podcast, a friend who is a few steps ahead.
- Stop taking advice from people who haven’t lived the life you want. Their fears are not your instructions.
- Take up space on purpose. Say the idea in the meeting. Post the thing. Wear the dress.
- Stay long enough to learn, but not so long that you shrink.
Growth doesn’t come from forcing yourself to fit. It comes from finding the place where you can flourish. Where your ambition is normal. Where your energy makes sense. Where you don’t have to translate who you are.
You don’t need to be less.
You’re meant for more. 🧡
So tell me: where do you feel most like yourself?
